Towards the end of 2009...

Towards the end of 2009, there are many feelings inside of me. There are feeling of joy...sad...fear...loneliness..insecure..unsure. All these mixed emotions and feelings are making me feeling weird. Year 2009 is really not a good year for me. I had encountered so many problems and problems just can't get enough of me. They kept coming to me again and again. I had struggled and asking for strength for me to continue fighting. Now that these problems seem to go away slowly.. I am somehow feeling lil relieved. In few days later, I will starting my new job in a new place. Year od 2010 is a really a new year for me. A new year that I am hoping for new hope, love, commitment and life. I am hoping that I can leave all those bad and sad things behind and move forward. I believe that the coming year will be a greater one.

However, deep inside me, I have this feeling of fear.. afraid and insecure about things that are coming to me. What if the new job doesn't suits me? What if I can't get a long with my new colleagues? What if I fail to impress my new boss? What if they think that I am not capable to do my new job? What if I cannot make through this time? I am starting a new base in a new place. Everything will be new and strange to me. Probably that is why I am fear... scare.. afraid and feeling insecure.

I really want to escape myself from all these. I want an easy way out for all these. But how long can I escape? How many easy way out is there for me? No matter what, I need to go through all these nonsense. I have been telling myself that this is just another new beginning for me. God will give me the strength, courage and faith to deal with all these...to face my future with hope and own my brighter future. As long as I take out my sincerity, honesty, effort, understanding, humble and sharing attitude, I can make all things right. *crossing my finger*

Can I really survive this time? :)